Waiting . . . Chapter 2

Well my friends, the fundraisers have happened and almost all the letters have been sent or given out....now comes the hard part....waiting and doubting.  Waiting for God to bring in the financial support we need to make this church planting dream a reality and doubting that He will come through.  It is so easy to be excited and optimistic in the beginning when all your cards haven't been played.  When you think you still have a small bit of control over this “game” or an ace up your sleeve.  Now that our cards have been shown and our message has been communicated we wonder, was it enough?  Maybe we should have worded the letter differently or maybe if we had been more bold in our fundraising events . . . but we have to let it go.  I have to let it go.  I am a typical woman; I like my control and I am not very patient, but as my sister told me last night it is out of our hands.  There is truly nothing more we can do.  We have taken our family for a running leap off a cliff just trusting God has a safety net waiting for us!  I think we are nuts….truly!  J

It has been be very humbling for me and for Daniel during the last few weeks as he has gone out almost daily to ask for support from his peers.  It can’t be easy to do that.  I feel like a very bright light has been shown on me and my humanity.  I feel so utterly unworthy for this!  I sat in the tub tonight (my nightly routine to detox from the day) listening to some of my favorite hymns and found myself trying to think of all the skills, gifts or whatever that would have made God “pick” me to start a church in his name….yeah…lets just say it was very pathetic!  Everything I thought of that could benefit the cause was tainted with ME and my weaknesses!  I was a bit shocked when I realized I really wasn’t bringing anything to this.  If God wants to use  me to build His kingdom then I am going to be on the front row with everyone else to witness how He will!  “Oh Erin, you don’t give yourself enough credit…”  Really?  I ask you to put yourself in my shoes. What gifts and skills do you have that are always at the ready, you have energy to pursue at all times, and you utilize with a pure heart?  If there is something I am learning through this process it is that even my best gifts in which I put forward to build God’s Kingdom are tainted by my limits as a person. Yes, very deep thinking for tub soaking!!! 

So, we continue to wait on God to bring us the support we need.  I know I will look back and think this was a great growing time, but being in it now really hurts.  Take care and I will post again soon!!

Erin